Prozac and Whimsy

A while back I (think I) said that this breakdown didn’t have a soundtrack… yet. But it clearly has and did from before I ever knew what was going on. I know I have written about them and have certainly mentioned the song before but In A Sweater Poorly Knit by mewithoutYou has been my most played song for the last few years, and it’s not even a close run competition.

It helps me sleep. It soothes my soul. I want it played at my funeral. And now I have a lyric, now I have *THE* lyric tattooed on the inside of my wrist. While it is certainly open for interpretation the line I Do Not Exist brings me peace. I see it as a declaration of faith and love. A defiant stand against everything that can, does, and will go wrong because if, *IF* I don’t exist then none of it matters does it? I think the “correct” reading is that they love their God so much that they are completely swallowed by their faith and its love.

The line comes from a poem by Rumi, well kind of. It’s a source of discussion and vitriol and debate over translations and artistic licence. The poem is part of hundreds of verses attributed to a dude who lived before copyright and the internets. The lucky cunt.

IASPK (as no one should call it) is a beautiful song, it’s tinged with sadness as its sister piece Messes Of Men that also features the same line. MOM opens the album (Brother, Sister) with the declaration and IASPK closes it with the same statement. Everything that comes in the middle ties it all together and it is truly a beautiful record but those two tracks as bookends really adds a certain something to it all.

So yeah before I really figured out what was going on. Before I started writing whatever all of this is. Before I ever hit rock bottom the soundtrack was already playing. It sounded like sleepless nights and the delirium that brings. It sounded like obsession and a search for meaning. It sounded like finding comfort in repetition and familiarity. It sounded beautiful and it still does because…

I do not exist, only you exist.